Nervous

In a few hours, I will meet my friend Nicole's mother, Cathy, for the first time. I am also going to meet Grant for the first time as well. I am not nervous about meeting Grant at all. But I am scared I will cry when I meet Cathy. In fact, I am quite certain I will.

After meeting up with Grant at his hotel, we will drive to Nicole's house in San Jose. I will be in the house that Nicole grew up in. I will sit on the same furniture that she one sat on...be in the same rooms that she once laughed in, cried in, and lived in. I might even drink from the same glasses that she once drank from. I will probably shake her mom's hand and/or even hug her at some point today. None of these things scare me and they shouldn't make me nervous but they do.

I don't want to cry or look like a sissy lala but how can I not cry when I talk about Nicole? Especially when I'm talking to the woman that brought her into this world? There is no doubt in my mind that she'll ask me how I met her daughter and maybe even what my favorite memory of her is. I don't want to sound foolish when I tell her that my favorite memory is one I have after she passed away. But I will tell her and I will most likely than not cry. Not because I'm sad but because it was her daughter's memory that gave me the strength and courage to leave Erik. That it was Nicole's voice I heard when I blacked out...that it was her daughter who, even in death, made everything seem like it'd be alright.

Nicole was a special person. I knew that the moment I laid eyes on her 11 years ago. Seeing her smile was like the sun on my heart. Some how I have the feeling that I will get the same sensation when I meet Cathy in a couple of hours. And that makes my heart smile. Maybe not as bright as when I first met Nicole, but I am sure I will smile just the same.

I am going to try to get a little bit of sleep now so I don't look like too much of a zombie when I meet Grant and Cathy tomorrow. Wish me luck...hopefully I won't cry too much.