Familiar places...

I was driving with Jessica and Auntie Mary a couple of months ago. We had to drop off some documents at West Valley Community Services. As I walked out of the building, I immediately felt a sense of deja vu. I got into the car and we drove out of the parking lot. I started to feel anxious and I could not for the life of me understand why.

Then it hits me like a ton of bricks when we're sitting at the light waiting to turn why I'm suddenly feeling so anxious and overwhelmed...why I was felt as if I was about to vomit...why I suddenly had tears in my eyes and why I felt like my head was going to explode. I looked to the left and saw a fire station. Erik built it over 10 years ago. He used to bring me work with him. Then after work, we'd go across the street to Chili's for cocktails and dinner. This was where I first met Nicole Miller and it is also the last place I saw her before September 11, 2001.

For the past few months, I have been thinking about Nicole and what kind of person she was. And all I really know is that she was probably, hands down, the only person I have ever met in my life that had such a presence. This might sound lame but when she walked into a room, it lit up. She had an aura about her that was so positive and bubbly it naturally rubbed off on everyone she came in contact with. She was the kind of person that was always happy; therefore she wanted those around her to be too. She was, as I once told my therapist, "sparkly...like a holiday."

Nicole was beautiful and happy and always had a smile for everyone. She was kind and compassionate and somehow seeing her always made the darkest day seem bright. Erik and I could be fighting like crazy yet when we'd walk into Chili's and I'd see her, she made everything feel like it was all going to be okay. I miss that so much. And, to be honest, I could really use that right about now.

In a couple of months, it was be 10 years since I last saw Nicole in the parking lot of Chili's. This year, on September 11th, it will have been ten years since I've heard her laughter...3,555 days since she flashed her movie star smile at me...85, 320 hours since I felt the warmth of her embrace...5,119,200 minutes since that beautiful light was extinguished...307,152,000 seconds that I've missed her. 

There hasn't been a day since September 14, 2001, in which I haven't thought about her. Some days, though, I just miss her so much it hurts. Today is one of those days. I could really use that sparkly like a holiday cheer right about now.

I take comfort knowing I will see you again, my friend. I love you. Until then...Rest in Peace, sweet Nicole.