Well yesterday I wrote 10 Things I Hated About Him. When I got to #10, I realized that I have a lot more reasons than just ten. I thought I'd get them out since it's been bothering me all night.
12. I hated when I was 3 months pregnant with Robbie and he yelled at me "I hate you and that fucking baby inside of you! I wish you'd both just die!" That hurt more than any beating he ever gave me.
13. I hated it when I was in rehab after Jack was born and his mom told our 5 year old that I was there because "you smoked drugs when Johnny was in your tummy, Momma." I hate that he let her tell our child that but I hate it more that he didn't own up to his part in it - that he was the one sitting next to me, supplying it and smoking right next to me.
14. I hated that he wouldn't let me have friends and that he isolated me from my family too. He drove everyone away and had me believing that he was the only one who cared for me.
15. I hated that he got my best friend pregnant then wouldn't help her. I hate that on the day of her abortion he wouldn't answer her phone calls. I hate that he was so cold and uncaring about what she was going through.
16. I hated when he was in jail for a year and I had to go on welfare. He had money in the bank and when I told him I needed diapers and formula for Junior, he told me that the didn't have the money for that because he had the boat payment and boat insurance to pay for...a boat we only took out once (maybe twice) during the whole 9 years we were together.
17. I hated when he'd pick fights with me before he would fall out for 3 days at a time. He would push or slap me around and leave bruises on my body. His mom would take me home as soon as he was sound asleep. When he woke up, he'd call me and yell at me for being gone. I would tell him that I didn't have a choice but go home. When he'd pick me up and take me back, he'd see the bruises and accuse me of fucking someone else because he sure as fuck didn't put them there.
18. I hated when he got my engagement ring for me it was only because his mom's birthday was the day after mine so we went to the jeweler's to buy her a watch. After he picked it out, he told he lady behind the counter "I need to see engagement rings...lemme see that one. I just need to get her something to shut her the fuck up." I was so embarrassed and he was pissed because I told him to forget it.
19. I hated that I would ask him to buy diapers and/or formula for the boys and he'd tell me he wasn't going to. When I'd ask him why, he'd say "I'm not going to do it just because you said I have to." I'd tell him "It's not for me. This isn't about me. It's about the kids." And he wouldn't do it.
20. I hated when I asked him...not wait...I begged him to please come get me because I needed help to stop smoking meth. He said "No. You'll be okay" and didn't take me seriously. I hate that he didn't care enough to come get me when I reached out to him.
21. I hated him for allowing the kids to call Michelle "Mom" and not understanding why it upset me.
I think that's all for today because I'm completely exhausted - again - from this. Of course I'm sure that I'll think of about ten more as soon as I post this blog.
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1 comments:
I hate him too.
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